During Mighty Men Conference 2011, the Beautiful Woman interns had the privilege of interviewing everyone’s favourite relationship go-to-man, Pastor Sergio De La Mora of Cornerstone Church in San Diego. From ‘What kind of present should I buy a guy?’ to conversations about his beloved wife Georgina and pointers on how to raise a ‘Mega Man’. It’s all here… !
o What do you do for “man time” being around so many girls (7) in your family?
What I do because I live with so many girls … One of the things that helps me is that I’m into extreme sports, like I’m a skateboarder. I love to skateboard so what helps me counterbalance being around so much estrogen. I think it’s just the way God wired me: I’m an extremist when it comes to extreme sports so I’m a big risk taker and I’m always challenging myself personally to excel and to exceed a previous goal. So like I love to swim, so I swim everyday. If one day I did twenty-five laps, the next day I’ll do thirty laps. I’m a runner so if one day I ran five miles, the next day I have to run six miles. So I really place a deep demand on myself to excel. And it really does help me with my daughters (and wife) because then they see that I’m always progressing, I believe that makes them feel confident that their father or husband is always willing to grow and change.
o Talking about your wife, what was the first thing that attracted you to your her?
The first thing that attracted me to my wife was how, apart from how beautiful she is (so I’m going to be honest … because my wife is very beautiful) was how she was handling a very painful season in her life. The way I saw my wife (of course when she wasn’t my wife) handle a very painful season of her life… the way she handled was such an attraction to me.
o How do you overcome the cultural barriers within your church family?
Well my first response to that is going to be placing Christ above culture. Cultural barriers only exist when culture is being placed above Christianity. When Christ is supreme then culture submits to Christ… Not Christianity to culture.
o At church on Sunday you were talking about the father as the person who unlocks the dreams and the destinies in a child’s life… What do you say to children who grew up in a fatherless house? What advice would you give them?
Well I think that it’s the responsibility of a single mother to introduce their children to an environment and an atmosphere where men can speak into their children’s lives … no woman should ever isolate their children from being around men. What she needs to do is take the responsibility to introduce her children to men who are respectable and men who will speak into her children’s life. She has to speak to men and ask men “Will you speak into my children’s lives?” When a woman does that, then it unlocks in a man, a different part in his heart for her and for her entire family. And so that’s the reason why a local church is one of the healthiest places and most secure places for a single parent to bring their children.
And honour and respect the pastor as the family’s covering. So when a single parent-woman comes into our church I say to them, “I am your covering until God gives you a husband”. So what I become at that point is the anointed and appointed person that unlocks the blessing and breakthrough in that woman’s life. And that’s why every woman must learn how to accept and receive the voice of a man even when they’ve been hurt by a man. They must learn to identify and receive the voice of a man because it brings health to her and health to her children.
o Would you say that The Church needs to grow stronger male leaders?
Well I think that’s the reason why churches need to focus on two things. Growing stronger men but also remember this – churches need to focus on raising women who know how to nurture strong men. Because there’s a lot of teaching about “men love your wives”… you know “be good to your children” which I accept and I think is true. I think through Promise Keepers and through other ministries they’ve done their job… I also believe something needs to be said to women in a safe forum that says:
“Women, let me teach you how to raise a mega man. Let me teach you that if you have a top performing man in your life you can’t treat him like an average man. You have to understand his emotional make-up and you have to understand how to be his cheerleader; you have to understand that you are his crown and that your primary ministry has to be to secure his head and heart.” I don’t think that there is enough teaching for women on “how do you help a mega man?” And so you have women who grow up assuming “well the man has to take care of me” but not enough teaching is out there on how to teach a woman how to teach and train a top performing man.
o So what would you say to the women of Australia in regards to this? What’s one tip you could give us?
Well let me share 3 things that I will always teach women:
You know I’m a strong dominant Latin male and so I always have these conversations where I teach my daughters how you need to be strong in character but sweet in spirit. So a woman has to learn how to be independent but also respect her need to be interdependent. Interdependence is the greatest gift that you give to a strong man.
When a strong woman says to a strong man “I choose to be dependent upon you,” you unlock in that man greater things. But when a strong woman makes her man feel like “well I don’t need you and I could do it without you and if you want me then you better pursue me,” she’s out of order and she disrespects her “head”. Nowhere in scripture does the Bible say a man must relate to the woman first. The woman first must learn to relate to her head and once a woman understands the emotional disposition of her man and his character weaknesses, she can help him also to exonerate and celebrate his strengths. Once a woman fully commits herself to understand the emotional, spiritual and physiological make-up of her man then a man will properly relate to the woman.
Assuming that he is a good man who doesn’t take advantage of what the woman is giving to him. Which is the ultimate care – time and willingness to study him. A good man, when he sees that, will reciprocate and say “well let me become interdependent with you”.
o And finally, what is a good present for a guy… you know for their birthday or something? (This is one question that all the girls have been like, “yes, we need to ask this.”)
A couple things… number one would be a gift certificate to the Apple store. Another thing would be tickets to their favourite sporting event and good seats not ghetto seats. Good seats. And number three, a gift certificate or a gift card to a good steak house.
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